Yikes - Are You Ready?

Hi, I’m Julie. And I am a recovering people-pleaser.

Please note the present tense here – “recovering.” It’s an active and daily practice – ask my friends and family. I show my butt plenty still.

I alluded to this journey a couple of blogs ago, and that I would share more with you to unpack this lovely little ball of sneaky chaos, otherwise known as people-pleasing.

I forget who told me this, or if I read somewhere, or if I heard it…I think I blocked it out subconsciously because I most certainly did not like it or want to accept it.

But it really is kind of true.

People-pleasing is a form of manipulation. And, it can be self-centered in nature.

When I act on this behavior, I am essentially abandoning what I truly want or need, and then presenting an unauthentic version of myself to appease you. I abandon myself in order to create an imagined version of myself that is rooted in fear and avoidance.

I fear conflict. I fear you being mad at me. I fear being disliked or rejected. I fear loss.

I am so focused on me and how I don’t want to be uncomfortable, that I will act out of alignment. I will show you what I think you want to see or hear. And I will do this in order to receive a response (because I want a happy one). That, my friends, is essentially the definition of manipulation.

The self-centered piece felt yucky to hear too, but once again…it is true. It is so deeply subconscious and buried in there but at its root, I do it to avoid pain. The Little Julie inside wants to feel safe, and so it all makes sense. When I consider this, I can soften into the experience and practice some self-compassion.

Over time, these tiny self-abandonments build and build until the current of the swirl is so strong that we can experience a loss of identity and a completely disconnected state of being.

If you identify with any piece, give yourself praise for your awareness, your self-honesty, and your willingness to be open to exploring a world of freedom.

The healing and the growth come in glimmers, in baby steps, in small strides. And many times, we slip back. We cower to fear. We forget.

And then, we remember again. It all belongs. Be proud of yourself when you catch it; that alone is a return to yourself. We have to keep bringing these painful truths to the surface to feel them, and to heal them. There is hope and there are ways that we can heal these dark spaces. I look forward to sharing them with you as I continue my journey.

I see you. I’m with you. You got this. You’re worth it.

Let’s keep it going.

With Love & Light,
JJ