The Little Me

As I am writing this, my throat feels closed up following a trigger where I felt unsafe in my body. I am currently on the tail end of moving through it. Sounds kind of silly, but I never truly realized how often I live my life experiencing this. The anxiety, the nerves, the mind-racing, the head spinning, the overthinking…yes, it’s coming from the people-pleaser narrative, but what is it, at its core?

It’s because the Little Julie doesn’t feel safe.

I am pretty sure the Grown-Up Julie feels safe, no issue there…it’s the younger me that screams out.

I am not okay. I need to be seen. I need to be heard. I need you to help me right now.

Now granted, the trigger I had today was incredibly minor, in theory. From an outsider’s perspective, I would think most of mine actually are. It’s not like I live in total danger where my life is on the line. But when there is even the slightest possibility of conflict or someone being upset at me or even in my direction, something becomes activated deep inside.

And for Little Julie, her life feels very much in danger.

When we are triggered, we crave relief because it is so uncomfortable. Often, we will seek out comfort externally. I don’t know about you, but that hasn’t ever worked out for me too great. My people-pleasing behaviors are a means to chase relief by managing everyone else’s emotions (totally impossible by the way) in order for everything around me to be calm, so that I can feel safe.

Along my journey, I did not learn (or consistently practice) how to move emotional experiences through my body. I wrote stories that were my truth all across my life. I believed that I had to carry the pain of others and make sure that everyone was good. In my story, it all became my responsibility.

And that crap gets stuck like chuck inside. Adding layers upon layers of external comfort to just mucky it all up even more.

And what is it that I truly want?

Safety. Peace. Love.

That’s what Little Me wanted to begin with, and that’s still what Grown-Up Me wants now.

So – what do you do?

This blog would turn into a novel if I shared it all in one spot. And I am excited to share more and more with you as we go, and as I continue to dig in and explore this thing.

One tool that will often bring peace to my nervous system is to notice the activation, take a deep breath, place a hand over my heart, and say to the Little Me…

“You are safe. You are safe. You are safe.”

I keep breathing and I share these words with her as I stand by her side (sometimes I even hold her). After a bit, I can usually begin to feel a softening, a calming, and a gentle receiving.

She starts to hear me.

She may be working on the process of trusting me…but in those moments, she hears me.

I allow myself to be with the activation. Be with it. Stay with it. Breathe into it.

And send love to my girl.

This is big stuff. This is powerful work. And this is the type of practice that can deliver total transformation.

It’s possible that I may chase external validation at the next trigger, but I am so grateful I rode this activation wave in, through, and out.

If I can do it, I know you can too.

With Love & Light,

JJ