What Are You Reaching For?

Last week, I threw some heavy stuff out there that I don’t think we talk about enough. I am so grateful to have been held in support with so much awesome feedback, AND it became clear that I need to continue writing about it all because it’s a seriously relatable topic. Stay tuned on that front … more to come.

For this week’s blog party, I wanted to share an experience that I moved through while on my honeymoon a few weeks ago.

Do you trust your Higher Power?

It’s easy to say, “well, of course I do.”

But do you?

Do you feel it in your body? Do you FEEL that trust?

During our trip in Cabo, we did some offshore fishing. I am relatively new to the world so I had never really been offshore fishing before. As we traveled out on our last full day, the waters started to get rougher and rougher. The boat was rocking so much to the point that water was splashing in side to side. I noticed my heart rate elevating and my nerves beginning to play with me a bit, but the others in the boat looked cool as cucumbers. So, I chilled out a little bit.

As we ventured farther, my husband fell asleep and I watched all land disappear in front of my eyes. Every direction I looked, there was no land in sight. There was nothing but endless sea and sky. What a powerful and humbling feeling. I felt like a speck in the vast and incredible creation.

It was beautiful. And it was terrifying. My fear creeped back in with a fierce sting – my heart is now pounding, my breath is growing short, and the boat continues to rock and roll with those 5-foot swells. My comfort zone (aka signs of civilization and land in my eyesight) has floated off into the distance and I find myself frantically reaching for Jimmy’s hand, squeezing it tight. I am desperately craving for him to fix it and to help me feel less scared. And then it hit me.

What could he possibly do?

Sure, he could love me and pray over me and tell me everything will be just fine, but he can’t stop the waves from coming. And he certainly can’t fly us over the water and get us back to land right then. He’s pretty amazing, but that superpower isn’t in his list of skills.

I sat there for several minutes – squeezing, squinting my eyes shut, and shaking a smidge.

Then it became clear, and I grew calm. I realized I was reaching for things outside of me to fix how I felt, to change the moment, to bring comfort back into my body.

I mindfully looked down at my hand gripping his, and I let go. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I tilted my face toward the sun and felt the rays wrap me up in peaceful warmth.

Reaching for God was the only way to comfort back into my body. And boy, did God deliver.

It got me thinking…how often do I reach for things to help me feel ease and comfort that cannot deliver in the way that God can? How often do I seek assurance from people instead of listen deeply to my heart?

A lot.

But here’s the awesome news. I realized I was doing it in the moment, and then I paused, and I shifted, and I exhaled.

We are not going to get this thing perfect, but are we taking those mindful moments to check in - to look in, look up, and melt into the divine workings of the universe?

When I remember to dig within and to look up for my peace, I feel the trust in my body, my heart, and my soul. I can literally feel the light.

And that feeling beats any high I’ve chased in my life.

Perhaps this blog can be a gentle invitation to ask yourself, what am I reaching for?

With Love & Light,

JJ