Caffeine Crash

I have been sitting here at my desk and in front of my computer for a couple of hours, with the intention of writing this week’s blog. I haven’t had that creative mind today, and I almost told myself the lie that I have nothing to offer this week and that I should just skip out because I am not feeling “in the flow.”

Then I remembered. I am in my best today.

And my best is going to change from day to day. I am not going to be on fire all of the time. Sometimes, I need a slower mind and body to truly honor my need for rest. I keep yapping my jaws about healing my nervous system and my people-pleasing wounds, so it would be kind of silly not to give myself grace when I am actually aligned with my intention, resting in my parasympathetic nervous system (“rest and digest”).

I did do a thing this week though, which may account for some of this slowdown.

I quit caffeine – Day 1 this past Sunday!

So, there’s that.

I found myself in that cycle again, just like the drugs. I would have a rough night’s sleep, wake up exhausted, pound some jet-fuel coffee, and then stay anxious at night only to repeat the same cycle. Every few days, my body would crash and reset. But eventually, I would find myself in the same spot.

My husband and I had talked about my adrenal fatigue, my burnout, and my nervous system crash, and how caffeine was totally counterproductive to all of these amazing things I am practicing to support my healing. My reiki sister reached out a couple of weeks too and shared the same thing. But the thought of walking away from caffeine (especially after quitting a 20-year nicotine habit last year) felt annoying and too tough.

I love them both immensely, of course. And deep, deep down I knew they had a seriously valid point. But I wasn’t ready.

And then, I felt the nudge.

You know, the simple yet profound message that God will send. It comes in soft and lovingly, and when we finally hear the divine guidance…it’s almost like we hear it for the first time.

Just try it.

I am not signing in blood anywhere. I can change my mind tomorrow.

And I get to take it one day at a time.

Just like I did with the heroin, the alcohol, the bulimia, the nicotine…

So, what’s my report so far at Day 5?

Well, I am tired. I feel a little more zoned out. I get minor headaches on and off in the day.

AND…

My mind isn’t racing nonstop. I haven’t found myself in a state of worry as often. My intrusive thoughts have grown quieter. My hands aren’t shaking and my heart isn’t pounding (except when I am activated, but I can land back in my body more easefully now).

Who knows where this journey will take me, but I am really enjoying the exploration so far.

The question that keeps rising up for me is: how free do I want to be?

Maybe this is an opportunity to ask yourself too! Who knows, it could lead you to some perfectly divine whispers from God.

Remember, if no one has told you today, I love you. I believe in you. And I respect your journey.

With Love & Light,

JJ